Yesterday

Bryan came over and helped me move all my furniture to the tiled parts of my apartment so my carpets could be cleaned this morning. Then we sat on the floor in my empty room while he tried to convince me to give him a haircut. I told him that if he valued his ears he wouldn't trust me with scissors anywhere near them.

After Bryan left, I packed a small bag and drove to Nikki's. She offered to let me spend the night at her apartment and watch Blitz while I was at work today. When I got there she was finishing a book she had been reading all day while laying out so I took Bella, her dog, and Blitz to the dog park.

I met up with Jenn at the dog park. She was on her cell phone 65.43% of the time we were there talking to a pet adoption agency in Houston about her future golden retriever. She was so excited about her new puppy it was all she could talk about, despite my attempts to engage her in a conversation about the awkwardness of seeing my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend/current best friend at the dog park. After I pried the phone from her ear we sat and talked about ... till it got dark and we were the only ones left at the park.

We returned to Nikki's to watch Gothica, which always makes me think about Rikka and Michael. Three years ago we were at the movie theatre at Barton Creek Mall about to watch whoknowswhat when the preview for Gothica came on. After all the scary images, flashing lights and dramatic music faded the movie title "Gothica" flashed on the screen. While the rest of the theatre sat and silently pondered if it would really be worth seeing, Rikki, in her infinite childlike enthusiasm, yelled, " Got Hika!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!". A few months later, Michael invited me over to make mac & cheese and rented Gothica. That night we laid on the floor of his new furniture-less condo in with all the lights out and tried to pretend we weren't a little bit freaked out by the dark emptiness behind us. At one point in the movie, as the ominous music was clearly building up to something terrifying, Michael, perfectly timed with the demonface that flashed across the screen, grabbed my shoulders from behind and yelled in my ear...shattering all my attempts to be cool and not scream at a silly scary movie.

Needless to say, last night I already knew all the scary parts and covered my face in time to miss all of them. How very grown up of me!

3 Pictures

Some dumbass is atually feeding deer outside my apartment.

Nikki and I went fishing one night. This is all we caught.

Gauchos and paint don't mix. This is one of my all time top accidental paint spills.

Confused

22 is still so young. I'm beginning to wonder if being in a long-term relationship is holding me back. If the real reason I'm not doing all the things I've dream of is because I don't want to leave him behind...and not that I'm just too scared...like I keep telling myself. Maybe I'm scared of what it means to leave him behind.

Things I lack the motivation to do because I'm not single:
- School: I know I could do better if I didn't insist on keeping my weekends free for him
- L'Abri: I have wanted to go since my freshman year at UT. I had an opportunity to go with Audrey last December, but passed because I wanted to spend my holidays with him.
- El Camino de Santiago: I have wanted to do this since my sophomore year in highschool. When I mention it to him he expresses little interest.
- Spend a summer, a semester or an entire year in another place. I would prefer to be in an English speaking country in Europe, but I would be happy living anywhere but here...just for a while. I don't now because it would just be too hard and too much of a hassle to figure out how to see other while I was gone. Also, he has discouraged me looking into study abroad programs so I'm pretty certain that he's not in favor of anything like this.
- Get in shape: I used to be motivated to stay in shape so the opposite sex would find me attractive. Now I have a long-term boyfriend who seems to care little either way. Also, our choice to not have sex limits how much I care what I look like with no clothes. With no wedding or wedding night in the near future I simply don't care.

I'm not just a hypochondriac

After my initial diagnosis of thyroid cysts over 6 mths ago I went back into the doctor for a checkup. I was complaining of the same symptoms...soreness and tightness in the back of my throat. I have also noticed that I often seem to be tired and sore, have had unexplainable weight gain, am increasingly irritable or down and have VERY abnormal menstrual cycles. Classic signs of hypothyroidism . Or so I thought. In January when I was originally tested my doctor said the blood work came back normal. 7 months later he is telling me that the same blood work shows me as a very good candidate for thyroid hormone-replacement therapy for hypothyroidism. Something doesn't add up.

Anyway, the doctor ordered another ultrasound. Almost 2 weeks later the nurse finally called me with the results:
Nurse: The ultrasound showed that one of the 2 original cysts is gone
Me: Excellent! And the other?
Nurse: The same...but there are multiple new cysts detected. The doctor wants you to begin thyroid meds immediately and is referring you to an endocrinologist.
Me: Oh. Ok. What does that mean?
Nurse: (after a long pause) It means you have multiple new cysts. What do you not understand?
Me: (wondering if there was some way I could physically injure this woman over the phone)...Nevermind. Thank you. Can I have the number to the endocrinologist?

Who knows where this will all end up. Stay tuned...