so this is the new year

So this is the new year and i don't feel any different.

The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance in the distance.

So this is the new year and I have no resolutions.

For self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions.

So everybody put your best suit or dress on.

Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.

Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn.

As thirty dialogues bleed into one.

I wish the world was flat like the old days.

Then i could travel just by folding a map.

No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways.

There'd be no distance that can hold us back.

There'd be no distance that can hold us back.

its hard to explain

last week, after watching the movie Melinda & Melinda and consuming quite a few drinks i got into a discussion with arthur. i love deep, soul-bearing discussions, its like cuddling for the mind. however, on this particular night the alcohol seemed to bring out the little insecurities i have in our relationship and the discussion took a turn into awkward territory. i don't remember anything that i said specifically but i know it was something along the lines of "maybe we're not meant to be together, and thats ok. i'll always love you". why on earth i would say something like that i don't really know. but something that he said to me really stood out. he said "what worries me about our relationship is when things are good you are sure of everything. sure that you want to be with me and that everything will work out. when things are hard and we argue and struggle with each other's differences you say you're not so sure anymore. you can't stay consistent"

what bothers me about that statement is that he is SO right. when everything is good between us I AM sure, of everything. But when things are hard I question if it is meant to be. I don't know why I am so opposite sometimes. Then, talking to him yesterday I realized something else. I talk... a lot. I am very VERY open with him when I am talking to him, and very honest. So I tend to express my doubts more to him than the other way around. And of course...when things are difficult I tend to have more doubts...

ha!

this is my enagement gift to a friend of mine from church. she is getting married in july and she has managed to stay a virgin. thus, i have decided on this rather ireverent gift set featuring the presbyterian cross of the church we both grew up in. this could make for a rather drab honeymoon...

christmas with arthur

blitz...doing what he does best

our little "Charlie Brown" tree

can you find blitz in this picture?

yummy

i want a new one

buy my digital camera here or here

they lasted 4 months

my first friend to get married is now my first friend to get divorced.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NLV)

Love does not give up. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Love does not put itself up as being important. Love has no pride. Love does not do the wrong thing. Love never thinks of itself. Love does not get angry. Love does not remember the suffering that comes from being hurt by someone. Love is not happy with sin. Love is happy with the truth. Love takes everything that comes without giving up. Love believes all things. Love hopes for all things. Love keeps on in all things. Love never comes to an end.

I don't know if I really believe that a love like the one described in this verse is a worthwhile love. I believe that love is conditional and that love has boundaries. A love that is unconditional, never gives up, and blind to failure and pain is a blind, foolish love.

only he knows the real story

addicted

the best is yet to come undone

well...to my credit, i expected the best but prepared for the worst...and i did my best...and all those other stupid cliches. Unfortunately my best wasn't good enough and i am having to deal with what quite possibly might be one of the biggest setbacks of my entire academic career. its been a tough day. my eyes burn from all the hot frustrated tears i couldn't hold back. the first of which made their debut in my professor's office...man...what a shitty day...