Last night...

I may have gotten highly intoxicated and jumped in a river. By myself. In a white t-shirt and pink bra. While everyone took pictures. Dammit.

It's not in my job description

Tell me where in my job description as "Good Girlfriend" I am required to go to my boyfriend's ex-whateversheis's wedding. Cause I bet you it's not there.

Theres a lack of color here

1. My ex is...married
2. I am listening to...the acoustic version of Fake Frown by Deathcab for Cutie
3. Maybe I should...get dressed...i'm typing this fresh from the shower in a towel
4. I have a lot of people...that know me...but don't really know me
5. My bestfriend...one doesn't come to Texas much :( and the other is about to disappear into the black hole of marriage
6. I don't understand...why I am so blessed
7. I lost...the battle to win the war
8. People say a lot of stuff...that isn't true
10. Love is...real
11. Somewhere, someone is...this is kinda lame
12. I will always...be opinionated
13. Forever seems...to never start soon enough when you know who you want to spend forever with
14. I never want to...boring
15. My mobile phone...about to be traded in. Verizon's 2-every-2 deal rocks my face off!
16. When I wake up in the morning....i usually get a lick in the face from Blitz who has been waiting for me to wake up for a while
17. I get annoyed when...I have to work with stupid people
18. Parties are...not all they're cracked up to be
19. My pet is...BLITZ!
20. Kisses are the best when...they are the period to the end of a really meaningful sentence
21. Today I...got a job! GO ME!
22. Tomorrow I will...go to 6th with Arthur, Megan, Nikki, Zach, etc...
23. I really want...to go to the new Crate & Barrel...so...ciao!

I don't care for the taste

By Arthur's family standards I am a picky eater. I don't eat cucumbers, which is a favorite ingredient in cucumber salad. I hate mayonnaise, which is a staple for every sandwich they make. I rarely drink sodas, which just tastes like carbonated sugar to me. I never drink milk, which is close to blasphemy since they are dairy farmers. And I really REALLY don't like red meat.

At the most recent barbecue I was served a thick, juicy steak that would make most peoples mouths water. I however, proceeded to pick it apart, piece by piece, and ask Arthur at every bite, "Are you sure this part is cooked? It looks kinda pink." To which he would always assure me that it was ok to eat while his family watched with a mixture of humor and disgust. I actually finished the whole steak, which was rare for me since usually at least two-thirds of it ends up on Arthur's plate by the end of the meal. That night however, I was so sick. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say that I read just about every magazine I owned while I was stuck in the bathroom. For the next 2 days I couldn't eat anything but low-fat organic yogurt and bananas.

I've never had an affinity for red meat. My mother is an amazing cook who made usually made 2-3 homecooked meals a day for my family, which were all consumed together as a family with the tv off and no books at the table. Meat, however, was not her forte. Any meat I ever remember eating growing up was tough, dry, bland and overdone. Which is probably why I initially never cared for it. To make matters worse, 2 yrs ago I took a college biology class, taught by a vegetarian, who's thinly veiled mission in life was to disgust all his students into never eating meat. His method- showing slides of 20-ft bacteria and various microorganisms that were commonly found in meat that was undercooked or diseased and explaining, in great detail, what these "little critters" do to your system. I often left class sick to my stomach.

Thus began this trend for me to slowly, but unconsciously, cut most meat from my diet for the simple reason that it repulsed me. I don't know if getting sick from eating meat is a psychological thing for me now, or if the fact that I hardly ever do makes the meat a shock to my system. Either way consumption of meat is never a pleasurable experience for me...before or after the fact. The only meat I can stomach is chicken or turkey. Which isn't true vegeterianism. So how do I identify my diet?

Pesco/pollo vegetarianism: is a neologism coined to describe certain lifestyles of restricted diet. Most commonly, these include the practice of not eating certain types of meat (most commonly red meat such as beef, pork, lamb) while allowing other meats, such as seafood. There are usually no restrictions on non-flesh animal products such as dairy and eggs.

It may be more accurate to call myself a pollo-vegetarian, or a semi-vegetarian since I've never liked seafood either. "Although many die-hard vegetarians would criticize this terminology saying that it may lead to the public understanding of "vegetarian" becoming further distorted, and claim that vegetarian diners asking for vegetarian meals at many restaurants are actually offered dishes with "only seafood or chicken"... In the absence of a suitable (and well-known) alternative term to describe this dietary requirement many people simply use these terms in order to avoid having to give an unnecessarily long and detailed description of their eating habits every time they wish to avoid being served meat."

Its not an ethical or environmental thing for me. I believe the humans are by nature hunters. Its not really a health thing for me either. I could care less about fish toxins and such.

I simply just don't don't care for the taste.

Someone, somewhere is laughing at me

Someone, somewhere is laughing at me. At least I hope so...because they're the only person getting a kick out of my life right now. I certainly am not.

I have been looking for a job for 3 weeks. Thats right folks. That comes out to 21 days. Today I got my first call back from my last choice job- Factory Brand Shoes at the outlet mall. "We're hiring for a seasonal position," they say. Ok. "But we need you to work the graveyard shift. That would be 10pm to 6am. Oh yeah. The pay is $6/hr". What the hell!??! 4 years of college, 8 different jobs under my belt and a stellar resume and they offer me f-ing $6/hr FOR THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT. They obviously know I'm desperate and really have no choice. The vet bills start coming in on Monday.

Want another helping of the crap going on? For 9 months I have been making plans with my current roommate, Brittany, and a good friend of mine, Katie, to move from our apartment into a 3 bedroom house. 9 months we've been planning this. YESTERDAY Brittany decides she wants to live elsewhere. Thats 6 days before we have to tell our landlord if we will be resigning our lease. And to make matters even worse...they raised our rent from $690 to $780. For the same damn apartment. Thats what we get for being good renters. As if it even needs to be said, all the 2 bedrooms in San Marcos are s--t holes. I wouldn't make a homeless person live in the places I've been looking at. All the apartments in San Marcos are either full or s--t holes too.

P.S...my ex-Aunt is suing my family. Thats right. We've all been subpoenaed to testify in Pearl River, Mississippi in August. I can't wait.

i've got that broke feeling

i have to live off $40 for the rest of the month. thats ok since i just filled up my truck and my roommate told me that she is going grocery shopping and i can eat some of her food for the rest of the month. the vet bill so far is only $85. if we have to do blood tests and x-rays tommorow it will go higher. plus, when blitz starts to get better he is a year overdue on all his shots and meds. those should run me another $150-$200. and the vet tech had the balls to ask me if i wanted to micro-chip him. seriously. as if the "i-think-i'm-going-to-vomit-because-i'm-so-broke" look on my face wasn't enough.

at least blitz seems like hes feeling better. i'm just feeling broker.

In honor of Father's Day

Things I remember my dad saying a lot when I was growing up:

1. "You don't have to out run the bear, you just have to out run the slowest person."
2. "It's better to be safe than sorry."
3. "I love you"

half an icee

I went into Target to try to find some cheap/cute accessories to go with what I'm wearing to a wedding this weekend. While browsing I decided to buy an icee. It seems to be a minor obsession of me and Arthur's...and everytime we see an icee machine we buy the biggest cup and share it. So at Target, I bought the supersize cup, filled it with creamy, icy, white-berry coolness and took a refreshing sip. I continued to shop.

Half-way through the icee I was super full and I realized there was no way I could finish the whole thing. "Why did I buy the freaking super-size one" I wondered. And then I realized...usually I'm sharing it with Arthur, and I have someone else to drink the other half. But today it was only me. So I threw the other half away.

i realized today that if arthur and i broke up i would never again enjoy an icee the same as i do when i'm sharing it with him.

Atheist?

My almost 17 yr old brother no longer talks to the family. He avoids interacting with us at all costs. If he's not locked away in his dark, messy, room, he is on the computer with his super high-tech sound blocker headphones so you have to practically knock him over the head to get his attention. When he gives it to you though, you're sorry you asked. He responds to everything with sullen apathy and as hard as I try I just don't get him anymore.

He’s been through some rough times. 3 yrs ago my parents noticed long, deep gashes on his arms. He told them it happened during waterpolo practice. Yeah right. I dated a cutter for 1 1/2 yrs and I knew exactly what it was. My mom, a child psychologist, and my dad, a teacher for kids with emotional problems, blamed themselves for not seeing the signs in their own child. They began family therapy, sans me.

My reaction to the situation was one of extreme anger. I hated my brother for doing something so incredibly stupid. My parents told me he was very depressed and that even though he was in therapy it was possible that he would try to kill himself...and succeed. I could not handle that thought AT ALL. I just couldn't get my brain around the idea that my brother was having such serious problems.

On top of the cutting he had behavior problems, was doing very poorly in school, wasn't making friends, fought all the time with my parents, lied constantly and stole anything he wanted. But he has this talent for batting his long eyelashes, flashing his deep blue eyes, smiling, making a joke, shaking his head of big blonde curls and getting out of anything. You look at this kid and think "He's just really a good kid deep down there".

Earlier today I was reading his myspace webpage when I came across the portion where you list your religious affiliation. He listed his as "Atheist". Atheist? What? This, like the first time I realized that he was cutting himself intentionally, shocked me. I am a Christian...devout...I would even venture to say. My faith plays an enormous role in my life. I came by it on my own though. I was raised in a Christian home but I went through a time in my life where I didn't know what I believed. But I don't think I ever went so far as to define myself as an atheist.

If this were a friend of mine, my response would be, "I'm praying for you...but you have every right to believe what you want to believe. You don't have to align yourself with you family just because that is how you were raised." However, this is my little brother. I can't bring myself to feel that open to him. I can't bear the thought that my little brother won't share the eternal life that I believe comes after a physical death.

Right now, I guess I'm in shock. I am so worried about my brother...not just because of this atheist thing but every decision he is making right now seems to lead him down a one-way road. I don't want the decisions he is making now to close doors for him in the future. I want him to learn about life and goodness knows I did my fair share of "learning things the hard way" but as his sister I feel this need to protect him. As angry as I am at him I love him more that I could ever explain and if anything ever happened to him...

general update

mom is recovering well from surgery. the family from new orleans is in town. they're gonna stick out this hurricane season but they swear they will be moving to texas before the next hurricane season. we'll see...they've been saying that for 6 years. you'd think Katrina would be enough to get them moving a little faster, but whatev... spent the day going to lavender farms and a winery. quite enchanting (but i forgot my camera...dangit!). i love LOVE the smell of lavender. summer school starts on monday. i'm taking basic physics. i think it will be quite refreshing after a year of phonetics, speech & hearing anatomy and physiology, phonological processing disorders etc...i need a job asap. my little brother is on the fast track to ruining his future (more on that later, perhaps). going to a post secret show in austin on tuesday (yippee!) with athena. good times to come i'm sure. arthur is awesome. the end.



geeze. that post sounds so high school. like. totally.