Yesterday

Bryan came over and helped me move all my furniture to the tiled parts of my apartment so my carpets could be cleaned this morning. Then we sat on the floor in my empty room while he tried to convince me to give him a haircut. I told him that if he valued his ears he wouldn't trust me with scissors anywhere near them.

After Bryan left, I packed a small bag and drove to Nikki's. She offered to let me spend the night at her apartment and watch Blitz while I was at work today. When I got there she was finishing a book she had been reading all day while laying out so I took Bella, her dog, and Blitz to the dog park.

I met up with Jenn at the dog park. She was on her cell phone 65.43% of the time we were there talking to a pet adoption agency in Houston about her future golden retriever. She was so excited about her new puppy it was all she could talk about, despite my attempts to engage her in a conversation about the awkwardness of seeing my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend/current best friend at the dog park. After I pried the phone from her ear we sat and talked about ... till it got dark and we were the only ones left at the park.

We returned to Nikki's to watch Gothica, which always makes me think about Rikka and Michael. Three years ago we were at the movie theatre at Barton Creek Mall about to watch whoknowswhat when the preview for Gothica came on. After all the scary images, flashing lights and dramatic music faded the movie title "Gothica" flashed on the screen. While the rest of the theatre sat and silently pondered if it would really be worth seeing, Rikki, in her infinite childlike enthusiasm, yelled, " Got Hika!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!". A few months later, Michael invited me over to make mac & cheese and rented Gothica. That night we laid on the floor of his new furniture-less condo in with all the lights out and tried to pretend we weren't a little bit freaked out by the dark emptiness behind us. At one point in the movie, as the ominous music was clearly building up to something terrifying, Michael, perfectly timed with the demonface that flashed across the screen, grabbed my shoulders from behind and yelled in my ear...shattering all my attempts to be cool and not scream at a silly scary movie.

Needless to say, last night I already knew all the scary parts and covered my face in time to miss all of them. How very grown up of me!

3 Pictures

Some dumbass is atually feeding deer outside my apartment.

Nikki and I went fishing one night. This is all we caught.

Gauchos and paint don't mix. This is one of my all time top accidental paint spills.

Confused

22 is still so young. I'm beginning to wonder if being in a long-term relationship is holding me back. If the real reason I'm not doing all the things I've dream of is because I don't want to leave him behind...and not that I'm just too scared...like I keep telling myself. Maybe I'm scared of what it means to leave him behind.

Things I lack the motivation to do because I'm not single:
- School: I know I could do better if I didn't insist on keeping my weekends free for him
- L'Abri: I have wanted to go since my freshman year at UT. I had an opportunity to go with Audrey last December, but passed because I wanted to spend my holidays with him.
- El Camino de Santiago: I have wanted to do this since my sophomore year in highschool. When I mention it to him he expresses little interest.
- Spend a summer, a semester or an entire year in another place. I would prefer to be in an English speaking country in Europe, but I would be happy living anywhere but here...just for a while. I don't now because it would just be too hard and too much of a hassle to figure out how to see other while I was gone. Also, he has discouraged me looking into study abroad programs so I'm pretty certain that he's not in favor of anything like this.
- Get in shape: I used to be motivated to stay in shape so the opposite sex would find me attractive. Now I have a long-term boyfriend who seems to care little either way. Also, our choice to not have sex limits how much I care what I look like with no clothes. With no wedding or wedding night in the near future I simply don't care.

I'm not just a hypochondriac

After my initial diagnosis of thyroid cysts over 6 mths ago I went back into the doctor for a checkup. I was complaining of the same symptoms...soreness and tightness in the back of my throat. I have also noticed that I often seem to be tired and sore, have had unexplainable weight gain, am increasingly irritable or down and have VERY abnormal menstrual cycles. Classic signs of hypothyroidism . Or so I thought. In January when I was originally tested my doctor said the blood work came back normal. 7 months later he is telling me that the same blood work shows me as a very good candidate for thyroid hormone-replacement therapy for hypothyroidism. Something doesn't add up.

Anyway, the doctor ordered another ultrasound. Almost 2 weeks later the nurse finally called me with the results:
Nurse: The ultrasound showed that one of the 2 original cysts is gone
Me: Excellent! And the other?
Nurse: The same...but there are multiple new cysts detected. The doctor wants you to begin thyroid meds immediately and is referring you to an endocrinologist.
Me: Oh. Ok. What does that mean?
Nurse: (after a long pause) It means you have multiple new cysts. What do you not understand?
Me: (wondering if there was some way I could physically injure this woman over the phone)...Nevermind. Thank you. Can I have the number to the endocrinologist?

Who knows where this will all end up. Stay tuned...

I got paid $30 to do this

I spent almost all 4hrs I was at work today looking at the Cockeyed.com website.

Some of my favorites:

• The Fandango Costume
• Fire without matches
• How much is inside? Goldschlager, Lipstick, Sharpie, and Mustard

You are a Social Moderate (43% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test

Last night...

I may have gotten highly intoxicated and jumped in a river. By myself. In a white t-shirt and pink bra. While everyone took pictures. Dammit.

It's not in my job description

Tell me where in my job description as "Good Girlfriend" I am required to go to my boyfriend's ex-whateversheis's wedding. Cause I bet you it's not there.

Theres a lack of color here

1. My ex is...married
2. I am listening to...the acoustic version of Fake Frown by Deathcab for Cutie
3. Maybe I should...get dressed...i'm typing this fresh from the shower in a towel
4. I have a lot of people...that know me...but don't really know me
5. My bestfriend...one doesn't come to Texas much :( and the other is about to disappear into the black hole of marriage
6. I don't understand...why I am so blessed
7. I lost...the battle to win the war
8. People say a lot of stuff...that isn't true
10. Love is...real
11. Somewhere, someone is...this is kinda lame
12. I will always...be opinionated
13. Forever seems...to never start soon enough when you know who you want to spend forever with
14. I never want to...boring
15. My mobile phone...about to be traded in. Verizon's 2-every-2 deal rocks my face off!
16. When I wake up in the morning....i usually get a lick in the face from Blitz who has been waiting for me to wake up for a while
17. I get annoyed when...I have to work with stupid people
18. Parties are...not all they're cracked up to be
19. My pet is...BLITZ!
20. Kisses are the best when...they are the period to the end of a really meaningful sentence
21. Today I...got a job! GO ME!
22. Tomorrow I will...go to 6th with Arthur, Megan, Nikki, Zach, etc...
23. I really want...to go to the new Crate & Barrel...so...ciao!

I don't care for the taste

By Arthur's family standards I am a picky eater. I don't eat cucumbers, which is a favorite ingredient in cucumber salad. I hate mayonnaise, which is a staple for every sandwich they make. I rarely drink sodas, which just tastes like carbonated sugar to me. I never drink milk, which is close to blasphemy since they are dairy farmers. And I really REALLY don't like red meat.

At the most recent barbecue I was served a thick, juicy steak that would make most peoples mouths water. I however, proceeded to pick it apart, piece by piece, and ask Arthur at every bite, "Are you sure this part is cooked? It looks kinda pink." To which he would always assure me that it was ok to eat while his family watched with a mixture of humor and disgust. I actually finished the whole steak, which was rare for me since usually at least two-thirds of it ends up on Arthur's plate by the end of the meal. That night however, I was so sick. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say that I read just about every magazine I owned while I was stuck in the bathroom. For the next 2 days I couldn't eat anything but low-fat organic yogurt and bananas.

I've never had an affinity for red meat. My mother is an amazing cook who made usually made 2-3 homecooked meals a day for my family, which were all consumed together as a family with the tv off and no books at the table. Meat, however, was not her forte. Any meat I ever remember eating growing up was tough, dry, bland and overdone. Which is probably why I initially never cared for it. To make matters worse, 2 yrs ago I took a college biology class, taught by a vegetarian, who's thinly veiled mission in life was to disgust all his students into never eating meat. His method- showing slides of 20-ft bacteria and various microorganisms that were commonly found in meat that was undercooked or diseased and explaining, in great detail, what these "little critters" do to your system. I often left class sick to my stomach.

Thus began this trend for me to slowly, but unconsciously, cut most meat from my diet for the simple reason that it repulsed me. I don't know if getting sick from eating meat is a psychological thing for me now, or if the fact that I hardly ever do makes the meat a shock to my system. Either way consumption of meat is never a pleasurable experience for me...before or after the fact. The only meat I can stomach is chicken or turkey. Which isn't true vegeterianism. So how do I identify my diet?

Pesco/pollo vegetarianism: is a neologism coined to describe certain lifestyles of restricted diet. Most commonly, these include the practice of not eating certain types of meat (most commonly red meat such as beef, pork, lamb) while allowing other meats, such as seafood. There are usually no restrictions on non-flesh animal products such as dairy and eggs.

It may be more accurate to call myself a pollo-vegetarian, or a semi-vegetarian since I've never liked seafood either. "Although many die-hard vegetarians would criticize this terminology saying that it may lead to the public understanding of "vegetarian" becoming further distorted, and claim that vegetarian diners asking for vegetarian meals at many restaurants are actually offered dishes with "only seafood or chicken"... In the absence of a suitable (and well-known) alternative term to describe this dietary requirement many people simply use these terms in order to avoid having to give an unnecessarily long and detailed description of their eating habits every time they wish to avoid being served meat."

Its not an ethical or environmental thing for me. I believe the humans are by nature hunters. Its not really a health thing for me either. I could care less about fish toxins and such.

I simply just don't don't care for the taste.