Extended Comment

Athena,

You're not gonna like what i have to say but that's never stopped me in the past. You've thanked me before for helping you to see the other side of a situation and I hope you realize that what I am saying here is objective as possible.

I agree with your aunt's letter on one point; if the stance that you are taking at this time in your life is that you are independent and living your own life, then it is contradictory to those beliefs to ask for a co-sign on a loan. If you are going to take a controversial stand you have to be all the way, you can't just be independent when it suits you. I do not, however, agree with the pressure that they are putting on ya'll to get married. Even if you were still on good terms with your parents it would be none of their business. I think their emotional proximity to the situation makes them feel like they have some right to push you into that decision...Which is on some level, understandable, but still wrong. Just because it would "mean lots to everyone else" does not mean that it would be right for you.

That being said, I have to point out what I see in this situation. You are using your family. You tell them you want to live your own life, a life totally different from what they had hoped for you, you ignore the deep pain that decision has caused, and then you turn around and curse them for not helping you out when you realize than an independent lifestyle is difficult. All this, when by your own admission you want to be totally independent! Wiether or not you agree with why they are upset with you, you still have to acknowledge that they are hurting. I think it is rotten for you to ask them to help you out at this point. And the comment about your family only supporting you when you do what they want...well what did you expect? Did you seriously expect them to take this well? And they can "go fuck themselves"...but only if they co-sign your loan first?

This is going to sound strange...but I applaud you for having your own beliefs, for thinking life through for yourself. Some people go through life never thinking about it any deeper than they were taught to. If getting married to some "loser missionary" just wasn't for you then at least you realized it before it was too late. And yes, there are much worse things you could have done than move in with your boyfriend of eight months. So have all the amazing, gold-bandless sex you want. But don't be upset when your family expresses their disappointment and reluctance to co-sign on a document that aids your chosen lifestyle, because after all, you will live your life as you see fit "without other's approval and without their help".

Athena, be the independent woman you claim to be. Figure out a way to get that loan on your own. And if you can't, then work your ass off and don't spend money on things you don't absolutely need, like $1000 at Ikea. And finally, I think you need respect your family's pain. Give them time and space. And leave your grandparents the hell alone.