Everything changes

I don't want to grow up. I want to go back to a time when everyone was happy and healthy and married and faithful and good, or at least it seemed that way to me. I just can't keep up with everything that is going wrong with my family.

My dad will most likely be paralyzed from the neck down in the next 10 years because he has some kind of of degenerative disease that is disintegrating the cartilage in his spine. My little brother was found cutting himself two years ago and is most likely on his way to experimenting with drugs and alcohol at the ripe age of 16. My cousin committed suicide on Christmas Eve three years ago and another cousin is threatening suicide everytime something goes wrong in her life. My mom's brother, who has no short term memory as a result of Lyme's Disease, is getting divorced because his wife of 15yrs is "tired of the burden". When he found out he tried to take an overdose and almost didn't fail. Knowing this, she brought over some boxes of his stuff with three sharp knives hidden down at the bottom. I worry every day about my grandparents as they grow older and more frail. Its only a matter of time. And Arthur's family is dealing with equally difficult things.

The only way I know to handle all these changes is to find a solid rock to cling to and create my own stability with my own family some day.

Please keep my family & Arthur's in your prayers.

Well this is a first for me. I am typing this entry on my boss's computer, the only one in the office with internet access. I've been working at my current job for a grand total of 2 1/2 weeks and the entire office staff, which consists of my boss, his wife, and my boss's dad have decided to spend a month in Alaska. This means that I have to handle EVERYTHING in the office. The company, InterAv, manufactures alternators and voltage regulators and other various related parts for airplanes. My duties include those of secretary, purchasing, and bookkeeper. Its insane! I even do payroll which totally freaks me out!!! The family goes to my church and when they offered me the job, told me the pay ($$$!!!), and hours (8-2) I was thrilled! I thought to myself, "A lot of money for good hours and nice people. Sweet!". But now, knowing how much I have to do, I think I'm getting underpaid! LOL.

As I type I am on hold with UPS who was supposed to deliver a package to a customer overnight but somehow they have lost the package. The customer has a plane that's been grounded because they need this part, they're losing 40 million dollars a day and they're not happy! We're talking about some serious stress.

CRAP! I accidentally hung up un UPS!!! ARG!!!!

wish me luck!

I don't get it

We're here to Save Players.

Blessing or Curse?

I am, for the most part, a straightfoward person. I appreciate honesty and I detest "beating around the bush". If I am in a situation with a proverbial "elephant in the room" I am the one itching to point it out.

Boys go to Mars

Things That MUST Have Been Invented By Men:

• Strapless bras: i am convinced this is a resurrected medieval torture device
• Pro Wrestling: both pointless and stupid, and totally testosterone charged to boot
• Car stereos with remote controls: couldn't be more pointless

Open Mouth- Insert Foot

I am afraid I've crossed line with a friend that may have caused permanent damage to our relationship.
My first offense: She went out of her way to get a job for me that isn't going to work out for various reasons. I spent one day on the job training with her, and that same afternoon was offered a position with higher pay, better hours and a more relaxed office setting. I'm going to have to turn down the position she worked so hard to get for me, and although this is a common occurrence in professional settings I am afraid it is becoming personal because of how hard she worked to get me into this job. I am afraid she thinks that I am being ungrateful or that I used her for her connections. I appreciate how hard she worked to get this job, especially because I needed money so bad and she knew that. She was doing me a HUGE favor and I am so thankful. But my priorities right now are money and the plain and simple fact is that I need to do whatever I can to make as much of it as possible.
My second offense: On the way to said job I was teasing her about her boyfriend. He is really competitive and opinionated and can sometimes rub me the wrong way, but nothing that I can't handle. In fact, I enjoy being around him because he challenges me. But I should know by now NEVER to say anything negative to someone about their boyfriend/girlfriend, even in jest. They will always take it the wrong way. I kept teasing her and by the time I realized I had really upset her it was too late. She kept me at arms length the entire day and I could tell that she had been offended by what I said.

I don't know what to do to make things better. This is a friendship worth holding onto. Suggestions?

I'm beginning to understand...

A small incident that occurred last night brought something about my personality into focus. I was never taught unconditional forgiveness. I see my parents guilt trip me, and I see their parents guilt trip them. Its this sick cycle that I am determined to break. But I have to start first with forgiving myself. That will be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. It is time to truly practice what I preach. Every sin is, indeed, forgivable and no one is too wrong to accept that forgiveness that was given to us at such a high price. Easier said than done.

I feel like, deep down, I have to take ultimate responsibility for what happened to me, for two wasted years of my life. And now I am getting what I deserve for the poor decisions I've made. I know, as a Christian this simply is not true but its so hard to let go of the guilt.

Happy Fourth of July

You Are 58% American

Most times you are proud to be an American. Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home. You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

Hodge-Podge Vol. 2

• Buy my old jewlery (its being sold to pay off my cellphone bill debts)- Here and Here
• Friday was both my first and last day on a job. That should give you a clue to the degree of suckage.
• Tuesday I start a new job. At $10 an hour the suckage level drastically decreases.